Push Hands with Resistance

Seems I have found a new Push Hands partner. Her name is Resistance. She's a master at rerouting my own energy and inertia right back at me. I struggle to stay rooted and maintain my Peng. Her energy sends me into a pile of noodles or lets me use up my chi in on blast to maintain my balance. Either is discouraging. Too many years I've worshiped at The Shrine of Work Harder. With practice I am learning to turn her energy back on her and maintain my balance.

When I do, I am greatly rewarded. Last night I was treated to a beautiful Alaskan springtime moonrise meditation. When I push just the right amount I am given the power to go just a bit further in my form or I get insight how the energy serves me.

When Resistance gets the upper hand I beat myself up. Master Resistance sends all the negative talk, ego, and self judgement right back to me. I find I don't love myself very much and my heart starts to close, muscles tense, breath is constricted and I cave in.

Yet, somehow, Push Hands with this worthy partner is alluring. Master Lin says to avoid those things which do not serve your life's purpose. I think I want to avoid Resistance and play with another Master; but, as all good teachers they are given to us by Great Wisdom and part of me knows that Resistance is the energy I must learn to use, to uproot, to conquer, to appreciate.

The last few days I've been fascinated with the pursuit and capture of a very young man who participated in bombing the Boston Marathon and assassinating a police officer. I watch the officials and the victims with an open heart. I watch the bombers with an open heart. I'm not judging nor overly interested in "why" but I am observing and thinking "what does this all mean - why now - what am I to learn from this."  I meditated several hours for the safety and healing of the people and the nation. I even prayed for the souls of these young men and their family. Today, I feel drained. Somehow I once again neglected to nurture myself and pray for myself. I feel so selfish doing that. I guess in some ways this feeling of being selfish and thinking it is wrong to do something for oneself. There's Master Resistance trying to uproot me.

Of course, I cave in and say, "I just need to work harder. I need to work longer. This takes time."  But, I do know better. I know working harder or longer won't change much. It hasn't in 53 years. And, working against Resistance won't make me a Master either.

I've often worked with the image of the large boulders that stand in the rushing Matanuska River. they are unyielding yet formed and changed by the water. They do not conform to the rush and remain steady despite the powerful energy surrounding them. For many years I thought being a boulder was good. Withstanding the blows of wind, water, ice, and power showing little damage but becoming ever more refined was enchanting. That's how I've often felt; like I'm holding my ground despite the strong flow around me. But,t he more I study Qigong, the more I realize that I need to be creative. Perhaps it means I need to find my true nature and continue to practice with Master Resistance. Back to the Zabuton. And, back to finding a spiritual practice in the midst of the material mire I've amassed in the lives around me. One day Master Resistance I shall prevail.

"Muddy water let stand will clear" - Lao Tzu