Cloud Hands

I know the Tai Chi form Cloud Hands describes the movement of the sun and moon throughout the cycle of a day; but, lately it has come to take on a new meaning for me.

I started working on the Cloud Hands portion of the Chen form a few weeks back. I had to concentrate on sinking my Qi and not injuring my knee. My arms noticeably grew stronger from slowing down the form and working it over and over to get the footwork figured out. Then, while untangling the dog's long line from the lilac while having a low blood sugar episode, I was reminded that I need to stay grounded and present all the time.  The dog twisted and lunged and I pulled muscles in my arm. It really hurt!

I immediately did some healing qigong; but, the swelling and bruising started anyway. Since I vowed to not let anything dissuade me from my Summer Solstice hide & form at Gold Cord Lake, I decided to continue working on my form and doing the Ba Duan Jin. IT HURT!

It hurt ALOT! But, I did a little every day. Sometimes I did only my right uninjured arm. Sometimes I just did foot work and thought about the arm movements. Then, it dawned on me to visualize moving clouds with my hands instead of water. I focused on soft movements and slowed down as much as I could. It seemed to help. Perhaps I will still be moving clouds up at Gold Cord Lake in a few weeks (or maybe snowflakes since there is still snow there); but, I am back on track and a wiser player by far.

Happy 2013 World Tai chi Qigong Day!

http://worldtaichiday.org/

This global celebration has become an annual event in my life. Today was the first time that there wasn't an organized event in Wasilla (that I know of). It was bittersweet, but, I celebrated anyway.

World Tai Chi & Qigong Day is one day when Taichi players feel connected and set aside our differences in form and technique to open our heart center to the treasure we have found.

In preparation for today, I decided to do a bit of practice last night. For me to continue a practice it has to be fun. I've really gotten into playing music and making practicing form into a dance. And, true to my nature, I've been more fascinated with progressing in choreography and philosophy of Chen form ala Master Jou & Shiva Wollering. I KNOW I KNOW - Qigong is good for me and it makes me feel so good; but, for some reason it has been taking a back seat. "I don't have time. I don't feel like it today. Tomorrow. Maybe later. It's so routine." In fact Qigong seems like calisthenics or drills. So prescribed and not much room for creativity. So, last night I buckled down and did the Qigong - Ba Dua Jin first. I even did some standing meditation (another thing I can put off without much prompting or feeling guilty)  My knee hurt, my left foot is swollen, my back was stiff, my hands were tight. I had a whole list of possible excuses but I pushed through in spite of it all.

WOW! All my questions about whether I should bother with Qigong daily or whether or not I should do it before or in lieu of form were answered. I felt so good. No pain in the knee, no pain in the foot, my back loosened up, and I think I'm starting to see better with my left eye.  I could breathe better and gained energy I sure didn't have when I began.

I'm sure if I'd apply this same dedication daily and increased my meditation time I would feel even better.  Why do I let ol Resistance win?

I read a book about learning to conquer Resistance and living the creative life. The author said that Resistance is Evil. There is nothing good to come from engaging Resistance and winning the battle won't make it go away. We must learn that Evil is a fact of physical life (what's the matter with you?) and part of that lovely cycle of life - Yin Yan - Tai Chi - Wan Wu...  So, I will not beat myself up over my negligence and laziness; but, i will embrace Qigong more fully.

When I awoke this morning, I heard the wind whipping and knew I couldn't do my Taiji outdoors. I decided to do some Qigong meditations and connect with those globally for a few hours. I am peaceful and happy.

Push Hands with Resistance

Seems I have found a new Push Hands partner. Her name is Resistance. She's a master at rerouting my own energy and inertia right back at me. I struggle to stay rooted and maintain my Peng. Her energy sends me into a pile of noodles or lets me use up my chi in on blast to maintain my balance. Either is discouraging. Too many years I've worshiped at The Shrine of Work Harder. With practice I am learning to turn her energy back on her and maintain my balance.

When I do, I am greatly rewarded. Last night I was treated to a beautiful Alaskan springtime moonrise meditation. When I push just the right amount I am given the power to go just a bit further in my form or I get insight how the energy serves me.

When Resistance gets the upper hand I beat myself up. Master Resistance sends all the negative talk, ego, and self judgement right back to me. I find I don't love myself very much and my heart starts to close, muscles tense, breath is constricted and I cave in.

Yet, somehow, Push Hands with this worthy partner is alluring. Master Lin says to avoid those things which do not serve your life's purpose. I think I want to avoid Resistance and play with another Master; but, as all good teachers they are given to us by Great Wisdom and part of me knows that Resistance is the energy I must learn to use, to uproot, to conquer, to appreciate.

The last few days I've been fascinated with the pursuit and capture of a very young man who participated in bombing the Boston Marathon and assassinating a police officer. I watch the officials and the victims with an open heart. I watch the bombers with an open heart. I'm not judging nor overly interested in "why" but I am observing and thinking "what does this all mean - why now - what am I to learn from this."  I meditated several hours for the safety and healing of the people and the nation. I even prayed for the souls of these young men and their family. Today, I feel drained. Somehow I once again neglected to nurture myself and pray for myself. I feel so selfish doing that. I guess in some ways this feeling of being selfish and thinking it is wrong to do something for oneself. There's Master Resistance trying to uproot me.

Of course, I cave in and say, "I just need to work harder. I need to work longer. This takes time."  But, I do know better. I know working harder or longer won't change much. It hasn't in 53 years. And, working against Resistance won't make me a Master either.

I've often worked with the image of the large boulders that stand in the rushing Matanuska River. they are unyielding yet formed and changed by the water. They do not conform to the rush and remain steady despite the powerful energy surrounding them. For many years I thought being a boulder was good. Withstanding the blows of wind, water, ice, and power showing little damage but becoming ever more refined was enchanting. That's how I've often felt; like I'm holding my ground despite the strong flow around me. But,t he more I study Qigong, the more I realize that I need to be creative. Perhaps it means I need to find my true nature and continue to practice with Master Resistance. Back to the Zabuton. And, back to finding a spiritual practice in the midst of the material mire I've amassed in the lives around me. One day Master Resistance I shall prevail.

"Muddy water let stand will clear" - Lao Tzu

Transforming the Spring Forest

I am a sucker for biography. Generally, I don't read entry level texts or introductions. But, a biography will suck me in every time. Since I'm planning to return to my home country, Minnesota later this year, I started researching community there. I stumbled upon Spring Forest Qigong. It is the creation of Chunyi Lin. His motto is "A healer is every home and a world without pain."

I'm not without my slightly skeptical side. Early learning is very hard to overcome. But, I have great courage and inspiration now. Born A Healer is Master Lin's book introducing Spring Forest Qigong. The first part of the book is the story of his early life and how he came to be a Qigong master. I'ave wanted to write something but the only words I can utter is "wow" and "Wow!"

If I ever thought my childhood tumultuous or painful; I am humbled by his. What's even more incredible is that someone who endured all that darkness and evil could transform his very soul and spirit into something so loving and healing. The very pages of the book in my hand felt like a blessing. Need proof of a higher power? His life should serve well.

I can't really understand it with my brain. My heart tells me that the simple sharing of his story begins the healing process. It is empowering and encouraging once you let go of the deep pain and tragedy. It reminded me of reading Dante's Divine Comedy. I am eager to meet Chunyi. I know I will be able to do little more than smile and send him waves of energy. What could I possibly put into words?

I listen to a lot of these healers and spiritual folk.  Few strike me as genuine. Many are, like myself, on the road or in process of becoming. But, Chunyi has arrived. And, it is such a beautiful, powerful place of genuine love, balance, and strength. It gives me hope.

I'm sure my path will wind through the Spring Forest. Eventually, I'd like to have a practice healing others and teaching them to heal harmonizing the modalities of qigong, Anthroposophical medicine, essential oils, and biography. This is not a new path. I think this is the path I have been on since I was very young. Though I have taken side routes and byways. I feel at this age the universe guides me and I trust it to bring me to where I should be.

The Sun Breaks Through - Easter

After the dreary day of freezing rain yesterday, the sunshine was a blessing for Easter. The piles of snow are melting into liquid earth. It looks solid but it isn't. Reminds me of learning to step back. I used to struggle with it. The movements were painful emotionally and physically because I was concerned about stepping into insecurity. But, now, the forms and movements are coming to me faster. I have more confidence in my stance and strength in my intention. In fact this week I managed to learn two lessons and several movements in the Chen form at Internal Gardens.

 I love doing form so much that sometimes I have to force myself to do the daily Qigong exercises like Ba Duan Jin. They've become like brushing teeth or doing scales on the piano. I know they're important but they require so much attention and dedication. I eat my spinach but I make it into a smoothie. Sometimes it seems like the Qigong isn't supposed to be sugar coated. But, if I relax and just enjoy the movements without belaboring every imagination, I tend to spend more time. Somewhere there is balance.

Mom reminded me that I have a tough week ahead and that the improved weather and sunshine will make the tasks ahead easier.

- just about to movement 30 of the Chen form - so excited.

Spring Equinox Alaska Style

Brilliant spring sunshine heralded the Spring Equinox today. Soon the bright turquoise ice on the lake will be black and the trees will be shrouded in the hazy pink of new buds. But, it is not Spring here yet.

"If you want to shrink something,You must first allow it to expand.If you want to get rid of something,You must first allow it to flourish.If you want to take something,You must first allow it to be given.This is called the subtle perceptionOf the way things are."
-Tao Te Ching

I connected online with the Spring Forest Qigong Spring healing meditation today. The sound of Master Chunyi Lin's voice and chanting was comforting. After many years practicing Transcendental Meditation and Zen Meditation, Taoist Healing Meditation is a totally new experience for me. I find myself experiencing colors and sensations that I didn't feel with TM or Zen. Sometimes I encounter people I haven't met, animals, or places I've never been. It's magical. And, it is healing. The openness and inclusiveness is remarkable.

Last night Chai mysteriously hurt his front leg in the middle of the night. We truly couldn't find a reason or hint of what was wrong. So, today, I tried my hand at distance Qigong healing. When he came out of Jean's room she remarked that he only had a "hitch" and May didn't see any favoring of a leg. So, maybe, I'm getting the hang of this healing stuff.

Spring is a good time to go elsewhere. Alaska is not at it's best in March and April. Hawaii sounds good or maybe to see the seals in Monterey Bay. At any rate I'm ready for renewal and healing, sunshine, and green.

Chen and Bagpipes?

Mull of Kintyre (Scotland)

I've found music to be very motivating for practicing my form. Spotify is the greatest invention for putting together custom playlists. I think I must have squandered several hours last weekend building a taiji playlist of bagpipe and Scottish tunes.  And, it's a work in progress so there are a few of my favorite Asian flavored tunes lingering on the list in case I decide to play longer. I can't figure out how to share here on blogger; but it is on my tumblr and in Spotify.

Lots of my old favorites from childhood:

• Dark Island
• Skye Boat Song
• Mull of Kintyre
• Muckin' O' Georgie's Bryr
• Road to Dundee
• Northern Lights of Aberdeen
• Star of the County Down
• Piobraicheachd of Donald Doughal

Nice slow airs great for meditation and maintaining balance and slow breathing. 

Mull of Kintyre - the place I desire

Of course there is a beach song playlist for goofing off and really playing with the Qi. 

All this will come together on the solstice - Mull of Kintyre is top of the list for the video right now; but that can change.

The more parts of the Chen form I learn the easier it becomes to learn and remember. I still panic when I see that I'm only 1/4 into the whole form. I just take it one at a time and work until I feel ready to learn a new part. Some days are better than others. I am nearly ready to move on from Green Dragon Flies Up from Water & Push with Both Hands to the next part.  I love the Chen form. It is very different from Yang. I will need to live with both for a while before I can feel the connection.

100 Day Challenge 2013

A 100 day commitment is traditional - Here is a good explanation from Magic Tortoise and Spring Forest Qigong has 100 days of Qigong. In past yeasrs I have taken up various challenges. 2010 I dedicated myself to clearing - decluttering spiritual, emotional, and material. 2011 I wrote something everyday. 2012 was a renewal of writing morning pages ala Julia Cameron. This year had to be different. I am managing my diabetes and glaucoma without pharmaceuticals.  I have started a Nutrarian lifestyle and am healing regaining my strength to relocate and make some return back to myself. I know that I need to commit to Qigong and Taijiquan. My weekly or 3 times a week is good but daily would be better. Just meeting a challenge of doing it for 100 days was going to be too weak to inspire me. So, I made the 100 day commitment with goals in mind. Master Jou says we need goals both small and large. Before leaving Alaska I would like to hike one more times in the mountains I love. I used to hike all the time; but since 2000 and the deterioration of my health, knee, and interest I haven't been able to climb mountains.

Gold Cord Lake

There is a beautiful lake in Hatcher's Pass - Gold Cord Lake. It's remote, a reasonable hike, and I've never been there.  So, I am working to hike up to Gold Cord Lake on the Summer Solstice and perform as much of the Chen form as I can master by then. (more on Chen form later) I will record it on video and share the event with my friends and family. This inspires! When I don't want to I think about how beautiful it is and how I won't have this opportunity again in this lifetime (unless lightening strikes).

A 100 day challenge has many rewards unrelated to the actual challenge itself. I"m already realizing some of that. I started on February 10th - Chinese new year. We're in the year of the snake which is my youngest daughter's first 12 year return. 12 years ago I was so ill I couldn't walk to the end of my short driveway without being exhausted. I couldn't manage my life or health or even newborn daughter. I remember watching my neighbor walking the block one day and I was in tears. I didn't think I'd ever be able to go for a walk again. Now, I can stand on one leg and am getting close to doing a proper tornado kick. What a difference time makes.

Here is my teacher, Wendy playing Yang Style Tai Chi near this trail

Chop Wood, Carry Water

Here's  little long needed housekeeping and spring renewal. More of a mission statement for me so I can remind myself of my dedication to this blog.

I have now tied it to my LiveJournal because I'm lousy at private online journaling. I never get around to it unless I make it accessible. I prefer to use pen and paper for my personal journal. And, along with feeling some remorse for not using my LiveJournal as I'd like, I've also become aware of the general lack of access to blog posts of others "along the way" to learning Taijiquan, Qigong, and Mindfulness practice. I treasure the few posts I have found and have reblogged most to my Tumblr. I hope to share here my musings, breakthroughs, experiences, and mind chatter for others who also need to know they aren't alone with their new practice.

I will most likely revisit some of my older breakthroughs as well as share progress of my 100 day challenge for this Year of the Snake. Yeah, I tend to get long winded. Feel free to scan and click away because I am not going to even attempt censoring my style for this. There are a gazillion polished blogs with well researched, documented, cross linked posts out there. This isn't one of those.

This is going to be for me and those who have struggled with a leg cramp during balance training or complete confusion when learning form. It's for those who thought their head was going to explode during microcosmic orbit meditation and who giggled through the first several inner smile meditations. Really,   where is my spleen?

Master Jou says it is ultimately important to apply Taijiquan to daily life and vice versa. It is that seedling I tend here.